"Enjoy Us Now! We Won't Be Here Next Semester!"

It's now Sunday.

On Monday I would officially be in college.

At some point I found myself out in the hall in front of my 4th floor room. In front of me was a tall, blond guy who just so happened to be wearing a Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt. "That's funny", I thought to myself, "I don't remember him from Gabe's last night." There were only a skant few of us...the song Today wouldn't be released for two more days...

I said something about his shirt, he said something about seeing them in Des Moines the night before I saw them, and then he asked me if I wanted to go get some food at Perkin's with he and his buddies from home. What the hell else was I gonna do?

We hit it off right away and before lunch was over we were pretty much BFF's and gay for each other and etc. Between our common interests (film, music, smoking, drinking, misc) and the fact that we didn't know anyone else and lived across the hall from one another it was decided that we should "hang".

I think we got back to the dorm around 3:30 pm. After wandering around and finding nothing terribly interesting to do we went back up to our rooms to look through each others stuff and continue getting to know one other until we found something better to do.

About 5 minutes into it I found a box that he had brought down from Altoona with him full of Absolut Vodka bottles. Ah ha! Something better to do!

Justin put on some music (probably Faith No More or something of that ilk) and we brainstormed how we might spend our last night before college began. It didn't take very long. I think the conversation went something like this:

Justin: "Whatya wanna do?"
Me: "Hmm...we could do Vodka shots until we pass out..."

And away we went.

Now, chain drinking was a very popular method back in my day for under-aged drinkers to get drunk faster, and that was the method we chose. Basically it's a If You Take a Drink, I Take a Drink and so on and so forth. The afternoon went by in a flash.

I don't know how long it took EXACTLY (didn't seem like a long time) but before we knew it 3 full bottles were empty and we were FUCKED UP. Too fucked up. Too fucked up for Burge, too fucked up for the night before college, and definitely too fucked up for dinner service. So we decided to go to dinner service.

The next half an hour or so is a tad unclear, but I do remember choosing cereal as my dinner and feeling that I had picked wisely. Justin, on the other hand, thought that Spaghetti was the right move. Actually it wasn't JUST spaghetti, but for some reason spaghetti with chocolate milk sounded particularly appetizing to him. Or at least it did until we walked out of the cafeteria and began heading toward the lobby.

Some of what happened after that I remember very clearly, the rest was relayed to us in the days and weeks that followed by new acquaintances.

As we rounded the corner Justin began to make sounds and motions that made me think that perhaps he wasn't feeling well. There's a look that some people get, and maybe you've seen this look, when they just KNOW that they are about to blow chunks where they stand. He was making that look. His pace quickened and, after a cough that became a mouthful of spaghetti and chocolate milk and vodka and Perkin's, he started looking for a bathroom.

Luckily for him there was one just down the hall in the Burge lobby. Unfortunately, it was the ladies room.

I tried to help as best I could. Guiding, giving encouragement, getting people out of the way, but as soon as the bathroom door opened and the first shot sprayed everything in sight like a fire hose trying to put out a blaze, I let him have some personal time.

I can only imagine the experience he had in there. With the sound of my drunken laughter fading as the door closed behind him and the knowledge that it was just beginning, I like to think that he was too wasted to have considered his predicament too much. But you never know. If he CAN remember it, he isn't talking and it's probably for the best.

As for me, I found the nearest couch-back I could and passed out quickly. I awoke hours later with Justin near on the floor and someone nudging me to see if I was alive and alright.

I'm not sure how I got back and into my dorm room that night, but I do know that at 11:30 am the next morning in McBride Hall there was a Philosophy class with an empty seat and my college "experience" had begun...